Miss Zooass 1998 Competition - MsJekyll from IL's Profile

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Vital Statistics for MsJekyll

Hometown:	IL
Age:	27
Website:	http://absinthe-green.netfirms.com/main.html ~msjekyll
E-mail :	msjekyllz@centurytel.net

Here are some of my favorites!

Favorite Book(s):	Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time Series, Anne Rice, Brian Lumley, and anthing onfunds, stocks or personal finance.
Favorite Movie(s):	Romeo+Juliet, Evita, Jesus Christ Superstar, and The Man Who Knew Too Little.
Favorite TV Show(s):	ABC Soaps(AMC,OLTL,GH) and Jeopardy!
Favorite Musical Group(s):	Too many to list here, but hooked on Pat Dailey.
Favorite Drink(s):	Ice cold beer anytime, with an occasional shot of Cuervo on the side. Don'tforget the lime and the salt!
Favorite Sexual Position(s):	So many to try, so little time.

These things really turn me on! Mmm! I'm hot and bothered just thinking about them!

Being very independent, and a borderline control freak in my daily life, I likea little swicheroo in the bedroom. A man who's got the spine to try to tame this fiesty girl wouldbe worth thier weight in condoms, oops gold I mean.

What a turn-off! I hate this stuff!

Spineless, wimpy men without jobs!
Arrogance is not my bag either.

Behold my ambitions! My ultimate goals! My lifelong passions!

I want to find "Mr. Right", but first I want to travel, see the world so tosay. So until I do that, "Mr. Right Now" will suffice.

These are my hobbies and interests... aside from having fantasies about the staffof Zooass of course!

Freelance photograpy, beer, Building web pages, Gardening, beer, sex, Gourmetcooking, beer, reading, beer, sex, and the power of subliminal messeges...;-D

I have committed the following crimes / mischievous acts and I'm damn proud of it:

Criminal? Ignoring warnings of possible fines up 20,000, I frequently hike inlocal caves and mines.
Mischievous? I reformatted my ex-boyfriend's hard drive when we broke up. But then all womenEVIL, I'll proudly admit we are devious, scheming creatures by nature!

Have you had any wacky drug experiences / hallucinations while tripping on acid,mushrooms, or another drug?

But of course! See details below.

I was told that the first time I ever got stoned I recited off some comedian's entire speil at theparty which apparently was really funny. I certianly don't remember it, but on the way home I hadto wait for a barge..... passed out in the car. Thank God a friend happened to pull up behind me.When the bridge came down and I didn't go he knocked on my window. I was so startled I put' er ingear and left him standing there dumbfounded. Years laters he still ribs me about it, sheesh!

I like to smoke:

Cigarettes
Cigars

You dip one of your breasts into a 32oz bowl of warm porridge. The bowl is filledto the rim. When you remove your delightful bosom:

The bowl is completely full.

Zooass

Porridge
Cam

You are suddenly transported to the frozen land of Antarctica... topless. It'svery cold. What do your nipples most look like?

A Pencil Eraser

Like in the true story Alive, you are on a plane that crash lands atop asnowy mountain. The survivors are forced to eat the dead to survive. Unfortunately, you're thefood. How long can the surviving party of 5 live by feasting on your rump roast?

1 day

You are trapped in a burning building. In order to rescue you the fireman:

Throws you over his shoulder in order to carry you to safety.

Do you have tattoos, body piercings, birthmarks shaped like famous celebrities, orany other unique body markings? Describe below.

Yes, see details below.

Not really, just my ears are pierced, but I had to mention I have the cutest mole right below mybelly button that I show people while I bartend.

If a Catholic priest were to learn about my sexual habits he would:

Frown in dismay, then punish me by spanking an alter boy.

Do you pleasure your lap cat?

Occasionally. Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands.

Have you ever masturbated or had sex in a public* place?

Oh yeah, baby! I've bucked like a bronco for all to see without a care in theworld!

Too many times and places in the bar after I've closed up to count 'em. Only caught once, as forbeing seen, Hey I sure wasn't watching the windows!
Midnight shift at the gas staion, while I was working.
While driving through town.(well, I wasn't driving...)
While hiking at the local state park.
And on the hood of my car, parked behind my apartment, quite in the open, in the rain too.(toobad about the dent... cheap jap cars!)

Where's the most unusual place you've ever had sex? Feel free to include the story.

Probably, I would pick the night I was working out of town for the christmasseason(old job) and went out with a guy there. I don't know how he got the hotel to open the pooldoor up that late, but it was great! Back and forth from the pool to the jacuzi and the room wasmostly these big glass windows. It was disappointing when the desk cleck poked his head in to saywe had to go. Boy, the rest of my stay he looked at me funny.

Have you ever had a lesbian experience? If so, provide details below.

Nope.

My ultimate sexual fantasy is:

Well, I'll know when it happens.

When clearing my nasal passages I:

Use a tissue

I pee:

Sitting down

I change my underwear:

Daily. Gotta keep the kitty clean!

Do you shave where the sun don't shine?

Yes. Proper grooming is important to me. I keep the hedges neatly trimmed.

Aliens land on earth in your hometown. You are selected as the person to makefirst contact. You will represent all of humanity. What do you say?

Welcome. So what did you little green fellas learn from all those abdutions andprobes? To speak english I.... Hey?! Why do you look familiar? And why do I keep thinking of willowtrees, and seas of scabs, and needlebugs?... Why you little green piece of @#%! ....

You walk into a room sporting your stylish new hairnet. There's an elderly mantipped over in a wheelchair. About a yard away from him is a safe with the lock blown off. Thereare stacks of bills spilling from it. On top of the safe is a time bomb counting down from 10seconds. There are tiny speakers protruding from the bomb playing a muzak version of the Macarena.You feel the irresistible urge to dance. On the other side of the old man stands a snarlingrottweiler. He looks hungry. Much to your surprise, you realize that you are holding a slab of redmeat between your grimy digits. The old man's moaning, the time bomb's ticking, the dog isdrooling, and the money smells good. What do you do?

Stifling my urge to dance, I quickly tear the meat in half. I grab the bomb andwrap it in the meat. Here doggy, doggy! Th rott gobbles it up, bomb and all but still look hungy,good. With only a moment's hesitation at ruining my new hairnet, I swipe it off my head and jam theother half of the meat in it. Swinging it around my head for momentum I let it go. Bingo! It sailright through the door with ole Rover right after it. I dive for the old man covering him waitingfor the blast...KABLAM! Wow, that was close, it took out the whole wall! And eeewwww, Ole rovertoo! The old man is no longer moaning, he cusing at me to get the hell off of him! I get his chairupright, in spite of his ingratitude. Hastily grabbing all of the money I make to get away, but theold man is screeching that the money is his? I rudely flip him one single stack of 100 dollarbills. And stalk away muttering under my breath about rude old people..getting socialsecurity...like it'll be there when I need it..bet he's married to that damn old harridan from thegrocery store..damn bean lady..now i gotta get a new hairnet........ Heyyyyy Macarena!

You are in the supermarket. They are having a wonderful sale on canned beans. Justas you reach for the very last can, an old woman rams your shopping cart out of the way, snatchesthe beans, and scurries down the aisle. What do you do? You were really craving that can of beans.

I shoot her the dirtiest look and then sigh, I guess I'll have to buy the onesthat aren't on sale because I have just GOT to have some beans! I toss them in the cart with my jarof Vlassics and that yummy half gallon of Deans Pistachio Nut ice cream, and freeze...
Uhoh! There's warning bells clamoring in my head. "Excuse me," I ask the nearestemployee,"where's the pharmacy section?"
Finding it i toss the EPT in the cart and get in the express check out. Damn! And if it ain'tthat rude old woman from the bean aisle, Cutting in front of me with a full cart. This is turningout to be a very bad day!

You are abducted by aliens in the night. After administering an anal probe theydecide to remove one of your body parts and permanently attach it to your forehead. You have nochoice in the matter, except which body part or internal organ you would prefer to be transplanted.What do you choose, and why? Keep in mind that you will have to life with this for the rest of your life.

I would choose my brain. Much easier to give it a nudge and poke here and therewhen it stops working. It does that from time to time but I guess I can't fault it since I'm theone who pickled it in the first place. So I think, ok brain, I don't like you, and you don't likeme, so let's get this over with and I'll go back to killing you with beer.

You open your bottle of personal lubricant and a genie materializes. He bears astriking resemblance to Ron Jeremy. He will grant you three wishes. What are they?

1- Make me 21 again, I'd really like a do over.
2- Take away my addiction to nicotene. Cuz them patches and pills dont work after a round ofbeer and a few shots of tequila.
3- After the lousy day I've had although all that money was nice, it really was't as much as Ithought, so if you could multiply it about twentyfold, Ill be right as rain!

You are hiking through the woods when you stumble upon the Smurf village. PapaSmurf emerges from his mushroom house, gives you the finger, and blasts you with a stun gun. Youwake up hours later and find yourself tied to the ground. You are guarded by six Smurfs rotating inshifts of one — Brainy Smurf, Buff Body Smurf, Gayboy Smurf, Glam Rock Smurf (complete withPoison t-shirt), Antichrist Smurf, and Smurfette. You are very tired. You only have enoughenergy to try to convince one of them to set you free. Which one do you choose, and what do yousay? Or do you figure out some other means of escape?

After Smurfette's shift is over Buff Body Smurf is on duty. I hold my breathuntil I'm blue and claim I'm Smurfette. Buff's always had a soft spot for her and immediatlyreleases me. Too easy, all muscle, no brains.

Make up a word, define it, and use it in a sentence.

Volatious- adj. A cross between voluptuous and hellacious.

I can be a volatious hell cat when I want.

Write a short poem. You may use any style you wish. If you're stuck, how about anode to Zooass?

A Toast

A toast,
To life, this joke.
I lift my glass
And drink. Maybe I'll just have one more.
Alchohol, my devil and my savior.
It lifts my spirits
On occasion,
And on others..
It throws me against the very rocks of despair.
It dulls my senses,
And I happily float in a drunken haze.
Shoot the rail, get all my friends a drink.
For everyone is truly my friend.
But the bars all close
And my friends all leave.
Tomorrow comes bring pain in my head, my heart,
And my soul.

Finish the following weird story:

I awoke beneath the weeping willow in a sea of scabs. The needle bugs hadcome in the night. I had lost a lot of blood. I tried to rise to my feet, only to find that my legswere to weak too support my weight. I fell to the ground and hit the mossy earth with a thud. I laycrumpled on the ground, a lifeless lump, waiting silently for the healing rains to come. And then Isaw it. Creeping in the shadows. Breathing heavy... watching... waiting... A horrible shriekpierced the silent skies. And then it was upon me...

... ...and Iwake up with a start, slick with perspiration and heart pounding. Gawd,what a whacked out nightmare! It must have really got to me because I feel like I've been run hardand put away wet!
My forehead feels kinda funny... rather... heavy? And feels bumpy, and sticky?!?
Another strange sensation, why does my ass hurt? Well, I really can't sleep now, so I getlooking for a good book to curl up with for the rest of the night. Perusing the titles on mybookshelf my hand drifts towards Whitley Streiber's Communion.......
(fade in twilight zone music)

My Artistic Abilities Exemplified

MsJekyll's Rendition of the freaks of Zooass.

Here's your chance to impress everyone by writing whatever you damn well please.What makes you special? Why should we pick you to be Miss Zooass 1998?

Well, I'll take a shot and we'll see How the cookie crumbles. My creativity hasbeen maxed out filling out this form, and even if I don't win I hope my profile amuses the masses!


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